What if......Lord help me see

The last couple of weeks have been ones of trial for so many. Weeks of waiting, weeks of fear, weeks of pain and probably hardest of all, weeks of doubt.



From the child denied a family.

To an 11 pound 3 year old slowly being deprived of her life.....

Lately I've been struggling with the whys and the what ifs. Why are things harder, longer, darker, worse than I thought they would be? Why do some journeys seem so simple and easy and others so hard? What if children were valued and not thrown away? What if this journey was easier? Would I understand God's blessings then? Would I recognize a blessing through the sting of tears? My fear is that I wouldn't. My prayer is that I do.

God help me see your blessings in situations like these. Help me to learn from the disappointments, from the hardships and the fears. Help me to find peace and comfort in turmoil. Help me discern your mercies in disguise. Listen......

PS...The child's family is appealing the judges ruling. Please pray that it will be overturned. And the little girl in the second picture is receiving treatment now in a U.S. hospital. Please pray that it's not too late for her. Thank you God for the family that rescued her.

fun at the Wal-Mart

I had a little fun the other day at Wal-Mart. These are what I came up with. How I long for more pictures of her to share. Nevermind, I just long for her!

What do you think?

I think I need to find more options, but it's a start. :)

I think Gracie won her over!

Well, I have a little story to tell you.

Last week I took over the care of a cute little 90 year old guy who lives by himself and has two caregivers that tend to him every day through the week. One of the caregivers is a VERY gruff and sometimes grumpy lady who is almost as old as my patient is. She's prone to yelling and now is known for her biting and sarcastic remarks as she hangs up on you. That was my introduction to "Joanne". She wanted my cell number. I'll give her some credit and say that it was for the benefit of her charge, but do you think I would give her that number? Absolutely not!! Why would I ever do that? I have reiterated multiple times that it's simply against company policy to give our cell numbers to patients for the primary reason that it's not a 24 hour number and we have a 24 hour call system for any calls they needed to make.

As I met my new patient and his caregivers, I revealed a little bit about myself. I told them about my big kids and also told them about this amazing, exciting, painful process known as Gracie's adoption. I didn't elaborate much, but I did let them know that one goal I have is to achieve stability with him before I leave for my adoption. Of course, not knowing when that will happen, I'm trying to rush to that point of stability. :)

I could see Joanne's demeanor soften as I continued to talk. Her gruffness eased and she actually had a faint smile on her face. She later told me in private that she had herself been adopted and she was moved and blessed when she heard of my adoption. In her lifetime, she has rarely opened up about this to anyone.

Today we talked again about the adoption. We talked about the pain she felt when kids would tease her about being adopted. She had a good upbringing and was well loved by her adoptive family which includes her now 62 year old sister who has Down syndrome. :) I immediately whipped out my favorite picture (conveniently located as my wallpaper on my laptop) of Gracie. She grinned ear to ear. She's so excited to meet Gracie when she comes home. Even my patient shared in the moment and told of two little girls that he and his wife had adopted and how wonderful it was to be their father.

Gracie's done it again. In fact, I'll go out on a limb and say that she'll do it again and again. She's stolen someone's heart without even so much as a hug or a kiss. How blessed am I that I've gotten those hugs and several kisses to go with them. I can't wait for more!

LOVE THIS GIRL!!!!

One more step done!

Maybe the last one!

Well at least I thought it was. Or hope it is.

I got my homestudy update in the mail this morning and promptly mailed it off to Lincoln for apostille along with the required envelope for them to mail it to my agency in Minnesota. That's the good part!

You see, it seemed like there was nothing else that should be needed......

UNTIL......

I looked at the wording of the homestudy update.

It says, and I quote "Deana is recommended and approved to adopt a female child with Down syndrome between the ages of 36 months and 60 months" What's the big deal you ask. On April 4, 2011, Gracie turns 5 years old! 60 months! Any other time I would welcome that wonderful milestone especially when she's still in the baby house that is so good to her and not in an institution. Not this time though. Her turning 60 months old means that my homestudy has to be ammended again and most likely, so will my USCIS approval which frankly I am dreading because they usually take months to get anything done. All I can do is pray that this is all said and done by then. And that is what I'm asking you all to do with me.

When I got the first draft of my homestudy done, I never expected that it would take so long. Never expected to spend month after month waiting for word, watching international event after event happen, plane fares go up and then down and then start to go up again, and NEVER expected that my (then 3 year old) little girl would still be there at age 5.

Ladies and gentlemen, we need to celebrate that little girl's birthday at her own home.

IN NEBRASKA!

Thank you so much for any prayers you would say for Gracie and I. I appreciate it more than you know!

Hoping and praying

No news yet....Sort of

Well, I made my usual call to Silvia today. Silvia is a very nice lady who works for my agency in Minnesota. She stays in contact with the staff in Russia (mostly Moscow I think). She told me that she hasn't heard anything specific to my case. :(

What she has heard though is that the case for adoption that they've been handling went well and as of yesterday, there was one less orpan in the world. That means, if nothing else, that the judge is favorable to adoptions to Americans. I also found out that the adoption that was just granted was to a single woman. That makes it even better!

Maybe we'll hear something next week. Hoping and praying!

December 14th

December 14th

I had a dream last night. Normally, that would not be remarkable, but I very rarely remember my dreams. In fact the only times I can remember a dream vividly was when I was pregnant. Hold the presses!!!!! I have NO news like that to share although I have been known to say that I'm expecting. I am, only she's 4 1/2 and lives in Russia. I've been expecting for oh say around 15 1/2 months now. It's just a very odd coincidence I'm sure.

Anyway, back to my dream...

I got an envelope in the mail saying that my court date is set for......you guessed it,

DECEMBER 14TH

UGH!!!!!!

Please pray, pray and pray some more that December 14th holds no more significance than preparing my sweet love for her first Christmas. She can't be there that long. Simply can't!

Any DS mamas out there that have seen legs like Gracie's?

Is this common for DS or is she just a little knock kneed? It was very obvious that Gracie has low tone, but not so much that she couldn't walk fairly efficiently (although she fell several times over our 5 days). If anyone is familiar with this posture, is it something that might need treating? I do expect to take her to an orthopedist, but would like to know what I might expect.

This is from the medical report: "Sluggish posture. Valgus deformity of the tibia moderately. Flat valgus feet." I know in medical speak, it means that the top of her tibia is turned outward, but just wondering what experience anyone has had with this. Is it ignored, braced, therapied, operated on or what.......

Thanks! Oh, and if you want specifics, MARCH 14th would be great!!!!!:)

This Is The Stuff

In the midst of the last several months, I've found a lot of "Stuff" in my life. It seems that those road bumps have so often been attributed to evil. I heard this song played on the radio today. Take a listen......

Now, I have to ask....Why can't it be a force for good in my life. I know that this adoption is God's will. Couldn't all of these problems or road bumps just be God's plan to help me grow?

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

and

2 Corinthians 5:7 For we walk by faith, not by sight.

I'm learning and I'm growing. I'm so glad God is patient with me.