Living on borrowed time.....

Living on borrowed time....

Unwanted, Unloved, Hungry and Alone

Is she really unwanted?

....Well, it depends on what side of the world you're on.

On the other side of the world, she has paid workers. She is seen as an obligation of service, a means to a paycheck, a face among many who need without ceasing. On this side of the world, she is anticipated with an unrivaled eagerness, dreamed about and is being prepared carefully for. She is certainly WANTED here.

How about unloved....

On the other side of the world, she has caregivers. There are those who put her into bed but they walk away, give her food but don't pray over it with her, watch her fall, but don't kiss her boo boos when she cries. On this side of the world waits a family with a mommy, sister, brother, grandma and grandpa who will play with her, sing to her and tuck her in with a kiss or as many kisses as she wants. Serve her breakfast, lunch and dinner planned to help her grow both physically and intellectually and pray over it to help her grow spiritually, and reach to catch her when she falls, dry every tear and shed them with her if that helps her. Here, she is LOVED and TREASURED.

Is she hungry....

On the other side of the world, she may not be hungry for food, she has probably been fed on a very regular schedule a diet consisting of the same foods, the same portions without true regard for her nutrition and growth, and with the same routine day in and day out since she could eat solid food. On this side of the world, she will be introduced to new tastes, textures and experiences with loving guidance towards food that will help her and nurture her growing body, mind and soul. She will NOT be hungry here.

How can she be all alone....

On the other side of the world, she is surrounded by other children, caregivers and administrators, but does she have anyone who is hers, who will nurure her heart, body and soul, who will see her as an individual, a person of value a beautiful life? On this side of the world, she will be celebrated as a gift, marking every milestone for the rest of our lives. Enjoying the big moments in life as well as the mundane times. Connecting with her as I discover her spirit and the unique nature of who Gracie Clifton is. Becoming a family, a group of intertwined souls who are strong alone but stronger when we are together. She will NEVER be alone here.

SHE IS MY DAUGHTER

My sad little girl

Thank you to Amy L. who found this newest picture of Gracie. I'm so grateful that she's passed on the two updated pictures that I have. They are all I have other than my imaginings of what life will be like the moment I meet her for the first time, the day we come home, the day she starts school and the many other achievements down the road.

This picture tears at my heart. The look of fear and sadness tells me she needs a mama more than ever.

It's been a sad week for me. In fact much of the week I've had a look on my face pretty similar to Gracie's poor little frown. In the midst of so much uncertainty, I received some good news today.

At my request, Anna (whom I am looking forward to meeting for several reasons) contacted Gracie's baby house to let them know that I AM STILL COMING TO GET HER, and to ask that she please NOT be transferred to the mental institution. The word that I received is that they are still aware that I'm coming for her and she is not scheduled to be transferred to the institution. Praise God. Now, if I can ask for your prayers that WACAP will get a reinstatement of their license and their adoptions will resume. I'm told that all of my paperwork is in Seattle and is waiting to be sent to Russia.

I can't wait to go about the business of turning that frown upside Down. :)

May, it's been a busy month

Still not working. My wrist is getting better though. Now if we could only get the Dr to allow me to lift more than 5 lbs......

May has been a great month for us here at the Clifton house. To start off, we got puppies. Three of them 2 females and 1 male. Born via c-section instead of the natural way, but they are all healthy including the puppies. At this writing, we're anxiously awaiting the opening of their eyes.

Graduations: we had 2 of them. One boy's and one girl's. So very proud of my kids. Both graduated with honors and both have big plans for after school.

First, on Friday, May 7, Tyler graduated from University of Nebraska at Kearney. He has done so well in college and I know that at more than one time in his life, I would have predicted that he wouldn't have done so well. God had different plans, and he has a beautiful girlfriend and a great job waiting for him. The not so good part is that he is moving away to Milwaukee, Wisconsin in a little over a month. That is hitting this mama hard.

Then on Sunday, May 9, Sydney graduated from Grand Island Senior High School. She also graduated with honors and as a member of the National Honor Society. She has plans to attend the University of Nebraska at Kearney and is majoring in vocal music performance and minoring in psychology. After her 4 years there, she plans to attend graduate school in Minneapolis, Minnesota for music therapy. I can't think about that move just yet, so I'll concentrate on her plans for the coming summer and next school year. She has a trip to Europe planned with the Midwest American Honor Choir. They will tour several different locations including France, Prague, Austria, Germany, Italy or England and some other places I don't remember. It's a chance of a lifetime and I'm so blessed she was nominated and has the opportunity to go. Also in the mail was a congratulations letter to Sydney, who as an incoming freshman will be a part of the UNK show choir team. We didn't expect to get that given there were only 14 positions being auditioned for and 11 returning singer/dancers. That was only 3 positions for about 20 other auditioners. WAHOO!

Fingerprints, we finally got them! After three months and one day since submitting our I600A, several phone calls, emails and prayers, we got our fingerprints done today! I know there are other things to wait for, but at least we got that accomplished while Sydney is still in town (or country for that matter). So, a small step forward goes a long way to encourage me. Also when I got the mail today, I found an envelope mailed to me with a donation in it. I think I know who it was from, and am so blessed that he believes in Gracie's adoption enough to give what he can. Thank God for those who believe.

Please pray that WACAP is given priveleges back by the end of this week. I'm told we should be able to expect some answers by then. It may make the difference between Gracie being transferred to an institution or staying there waiting for me to come get her.

ALL OF THAT AND IT'S ONLY THE 11TH!!!!

I'm tired now.

4....What's in a number?

Alot for this and many many beautiful children in foreign orphanages. At the age of 4 this little girl stands the risk of being transferred to a mental institution where her physical and emotional needs would likely go unmet. She and many others left to starve to death in so many ways because of ignorance and an overburdened system.

Is she 4 yet? Maybe or maybe not, but if not yet, soon. This month in fact. I wish I knew the date, but since I don't, I am just going to focus on getting over there as soon as I can. Giving her the gift of a family that loves her and ultimately, knowledge of a God who loves her more. I'm happy to say that I'm looking forward to giving her that gift every day for so many years to come. She's already given me so much hope.

I'm so grateful that as long as I'm still coming for her, she's safe in her baby house. She's given care from a staff that love her and hope to see her benefit from a family. From a mommy, a brother and sister, grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins, from a community who all look forward to welcoming her home. Home at last!

One day....

A tea party:

Complete with cookies and juice and flowers on the table. Those in attendence: Gracie of course, maybe big sister Sydney or friends real or imagined. Sock monkey and her cousin sock bunny. Maybe mommy will be graced with an invitation.

That is what my dreams are of these days! Won't those days be sweet!

Grandma's Quilt

Well as promised, Grandma made a quilt for Gracie. It's a one of a kind and made with love. What a great blessing to have such a talented grandma. I love you Mom!

OH, and here's fat cat. He's the softest cat and he doesn't even shed!

A state of limbo

Limbo

Well that's where we are today. So many questions out there are unanswered.

I am struggling as I feel my fight or flight response about to take over and I am struggling to feel confidence in God's provision for this adoption. I was told only yesterday before I learned of the boy being returned, to not worry about tomorrow, be mindful of it, but don't spend time worrying. I've made so many plans with this little one in them all. That's what I choose to focus on. For today and tomorrow and until I get her home.

I'm still determined, still planning and still going. Going to get her!

So for now, I am clinging to my two beautiful pictures, my imaginations of our plans and my faith in God's plans. HE got me here, HE'll work it out. That I'm sure of.

I spent several minutes yesterday before the fiasco dreaming about Gracie's messy face as she works on her first vanilla cone. Makes me smile! I'll post pictures when I can get them.