Fall is almost here

Well it's almost here.

Fall... offering respite from the sting of summer heat. A new school year and a new schedule which always helped me snap into a routine that was so welcome after so many hectic days without structure. As a kid, I always loved the summer, it was the time of my birthday, endless days at the pool and a never ending tan (or so I thought).

As summer sets and fall dawns, I'm full of hope. I am hopeful that my papers are at this time in the hands of the Russian authorities who will approve them and send long awaited information on my daughter and call for me in the near future. I'm told it should be soon. Later this week or next week, I really don't know, but as always, I will try (and sometimes fail) as I wait patiently for my chance to meet my daughter. I can't wait to love on her, place my hands on her as I pray for her and marvel at the miracle that she is. I can't wait to hold her in my arms. I can't wait to see the smile on her face on day 2 when she knows I'm there to see her and only her.

I'm coming Gracie. Coming this fall.

I'll keep you all posted.

Deana

I met an Olympian today!

I met an Olympian today!

This morning when I woke up, I tried to bargain with God just a little bit. Not really ready to get out of bed, I asked for a little more time and then promised that I would get up and go to church as I knew I should.

Because I made my way to church, God gifted me with an awesome morning. The worship part of church was wonderful and had me in tears. The sermon was great and really taught me about of all things obedience and seeking to know the word of God.

But it was after church when Sydney and I really got our gift. We decided to go for Chinese food which is one of our favorites. Lunch out after church has become sort of a regular occurrence and as indecisive as we both are, I was a little surprised when Chinese came to my mind and Sydney instantly agreed that sounded good. When we sat, the restaurant was relatively full with the usual after church crowd. We waited for a table and sat next to a family with two elderly parents and an adult daughter. Nothing ordinary until mom and daughter got up and went to the buffet line. It was then that I noticed the daughter was a beautiful woman with Down syndrome. Her mom gently ushered her back to the table explaining that they only wanted to take small portions because larger portions would not be good when they got to it. The woman agreed with her mom and sat at the table to eat her meal making polite conversation while she ate. I was fortunate enough to be able to visit with that young lady's mom a little later and I found out that her daughter is named Kandi, she had heart surgery when she was little and now she is 41. She is gifted with purity, humility and love. Love for herself and love from her family.

She was inducted into the Special Olympics hall of fame and really enjoyed her experience at the games. She had 3 roommates and came away with many new friends. When I told her mother that I was adopting a little girl with Down syndrome, she told me that I would be forever blessed and would never regret my decision.

This past few weeks have been wrought with anxiety and fear for me. The cost and reality of the adoption was too real for me and I found myself afraid and unwilling to go back and so apprehensive about going forward. I've been worried about bringing a toddler into my life again (it's been a long time) and my own lack of discipline and how am I ever going to fit a child into my schedule that sometimes goes so fast I can't even manage it for myself.

I've been so blessed by people who are there for me and offer such support. I have prayers coming from all over the world.

Today, my answer came from God via a simple mom who loves her daughter. "You'll never regret it"

Somehow, I know that. Now more than ever.

Praise and sorrow

Yesterday was a day to remember.

It was a day of gains and losses, praise and sorrow.

Praise because a little boy is one step closer to coming home. Praise because the adoptions are slowly resuming in Russia. Praise because he has a chance at a happy and fulfilling life. Praise because HE is orchestrating the lives of the Davis family as they add Kirill to their family.

Kirill is a little boy who has lived his life in Pskov, Russia in a building that is little more than 4 walls and many of the things it takes to house far too many children who are also parentless. Fortunately, Kirill is not parentless, he has a whole family and so many in America who want to see him home.

We're left with sorrow and loss for a beautiful and strong girl who lost her battle with lukemia after so many years of valiant fight. Our sorrow is not for Kristin now, because we know she's in the arms of Jesus. She's finally rid of that horrible disease. The sorrow comes from our loss, from empathy for her brave mom Polly and those who will miss her presence in their daily lives. She represented so much to so many. In the words posted by Polly, she instilled the gift of perspective and the lesson of fragility and taught the true meaning of life and what's important. The earth is without an angel today but I'm sure that she's up there dancing and singing in heaven.

Happy Independence day

It's the 4th of July and my thoughts are on independence. A word originating in 1640. Independence is defined by Mirriam-Webster as "the state of being independent", "freedom".
We seek to gain it, fight for it and declare it loudly to any who will listen. We employ thousands of men and women to defend it, but do we really want complete independence?
I say no, we don't.
Now mind you I do want independence from many things. From tyranny of corrupt governments, from mounting monetary pressures, from opressive religions, even from parents (sorry mom and dad, no offense intended). And as I struggle for it, I am happy to say that I am dependent in some ways. I am dependent on my loving God. On His mercies which I will never hope to deserve, and on His grace which washes me clean so that I can rest in His arms one day.
So while we as a nation celebrate our independence, I am joining in with you, but I am also celebrating the freedom to be completely dependent on the one who loves me like no other.
There is much to celebrate today. I'm so grateful that I have my family; my kids whom I love so completely and am so proud of, my parents who are so supportive and my beautiful Russian girl who inspires me daily to try to be better. One day soon, she will gain independence as she depends on a family for the first time. A day of freedom designed by God Himself.

Happy Independence Day everyone!

Living on borrowed time.....

Living on borrowed time....

Unwanted, Unloved, Hungry and Alone

Is she really unwanted?

....Well, it depends on what side of the world you're on.

On the other side of the world, she has paid workers. She is seen as an obligation of service, a means to a paycheck, a face among many who need without ceasing. On this side of the world, she is anticipated with an unrivaled eagerness, dreamed about and is being prepared carefully for. She is certainly WANTED here.

How about unloved....

On the other side of the world, she has caregivers. There are those who put her into bed but they walk away, give her food but don't pray over it with her, watch her fall, but don't kiss her boo boos when she cries. On this side of the world waits a family with a mommy, sister, brother, grandma and grandpa who will play with her, sing to her and tuck her in with a kiss or as many kisses as she wants. Serve her breakfast, lunch and dinner planned to help her grow both physically and intellectually and pray over it to help her grow spiritually, and reach to catch her when she falls, dry every tear and shed them with her if that helps her. Here, she is LOVED and TREASURED.

Is she hungry....

On the other side of the world, she may not be hungry for food, she has probably been fed on a very regular schedule a diet consisting of the same foods, the same portions without true regard for her nutrition and growth, and with the same routine day in and day out since she could eat solid food. On this side of the world, she will be introduced to new tastes, textures and experiences with loving guidance towards food that will help her and nurture her growing body, mind and soul. She will NOT be hungry here.

How can she be all alone....

On the other side of the world, she is surrounded by other children, caregivers and administrators, but does she have anyone who is hers, who will nurure her heart, body and soul, who will see her as an individual, a person of value a beautiful life? On this side of the world, she will be celebrated as a gift, marking every milestone for the rest of our lives. Enjoying the big moments in life as well as the mundane times. Connecting with her as I discover her spirit and the unique nature of who Gracie Clifton is. Becoming a family, a group of intertwined souls who are strong alone but stronger when we are together. She will NEVER be alone here.

SHE IS MY DAUGHTER

My sad little girl

Thank you to Amy L. who found this newest picture of Gracie. I'm so grateful that she's passed on the two updated pictures that I have. They are all I have other than my imaginings of what life will be like the moment I meet her for the first time, the day we come home, the day she starts school and the many other achievements down the road.

This picture tears at my heart. The look of fear and sadness tells me she needs a mama more than ever.

It's been a sad week for me. In fact much of the week I've had a look on my face pretty similar to Gracie's poor little frown. In the midst of so much uncertainty, I received some good news today.

At my request, Anna (whom I am looking forward to meeting for several reasons) contacted Gracie's baby house to let them know that I AM STILL COMING TO GET HER, and to ask that she please NOT be transferred to the mental institution. The word that I received is that they are still aware that I'm coming for her and she is not scheduled to be transferred to the institution. Praise God. Now, if I can ask for your prayers that WACAP will get a reinstatement of their license and their adoptions will resume. I'm told that all of my paperwork is in Seattle and is waiting to be sent to Russia.

I can't wait to go about the business of turning that frown upside Down. :)

May, it's been a busy month

Still not working. My wrist is getting better though. Now if we could only get the Dr to allow me to lift more than 5 lbs......

May has been a great month for us here at the Clifton house. To start off, we got puppies. Three of them 2 females and 1 male. Born via c-section instead of the natural way, but they are all healthy including the puppies. At this writing, we're anxiously awaiting the opening of their eyes.

Graduations: we had 2 of them. One boy's and one girl's. So very proud of my kids. Both graduated with honors and both have big plans for after school.

First, on Friday, May 7, Tyler graduated from University of Nebraska at Kearney. He has done so well in college and I know that at more than one time in his life, I would have predicted that he wouldn't have done so well. God had different plans, and he has a beautiful girlfriend and a great job waiting for him. The not so good part is that he is moving away to Milwaukee, Wisconsin in a little over a month. That is hitting this mama hard.

Then on Sunday, May 9, Sydney graduated from Grand Island Senior High School. She also graduated with honors and as a member of the National Honor Society. She has plans to attend the University of Nebraska at Kearney and is majoring in vocal music performance and minoring in psychology. After her 4 years there, she plans to attend graduate school in Minneapolis, Minnesota for music therapy. I can't think about that move just yet, so I'll concentrate on her plans for the coming summer and next school year. She has a trip to Europe planned with the Midwest American Honor Choir. They will tour several different locations including France, Prague, Austria, Germany, Italy or England and some other places I don't remember. It's a chance of a lifetime and I'm so blessed she was nominated and has the opportunity to go. Also in the mail was a congratulations letter to Sydney, who as an incoming freshman will be a part of the UNK show choir team. We didn't expect to get that given there were only 14 positions being auditioned for and 11 returning singer/dancers. That was only 3 positions for about 20 other auditioners. WAHOO!

Fingerprints, we finally got them! After three months and one day since submitting our I600A, several phone calls, emails and prayers, we got our fingerprints done today! I know there are other things to wait for, but at least we got that accomplished while Sydney is still in town (or country for that matter). So, a small step forward goes a long way to encourage me. Also when I got the mail today, I found an envelope mailed to me with a donation in it. I think I know who it was from, and am so blessed that he believes in Gracie's adoption enough to give what he can. Thank God for those who believe.

Please pray that WACAP is given priveleges back by the end of this week. I'm told we should be able to expect some answers by then. It may make the difference between Gracie being transferred to an institution or staying there waiting for me to come get her.

ALL OF THAT AND IT'S ONLY THE 11TH!!!!

I'm tired now.