I'm home

This is the very first picture of Gracie that I took with my camera. Taken at a time when she knew little of individual attention and knew even less of having a mama. She is pictured here with Genrich, my facilitator.

Well I'm home.

Had a miserable time trying to stay awake but did and I have to say that my bed has never felt so good. I'm anxious to grab one specific little 4 year old and snuggle the afternoon away. Someday I will.

I have to say how much I appreciate my homeland, my country, my state and my home. I'm home, where toilet paper is soft, lane lines mean something, milk is milk (not boiled and fermented), where there are seats on toilets (one day, I fully weighed the risk of kidney infection vs using the toilet that was available---The risk paid off though because I am free of any UTI), where meat means beef or pork, where a complete stranger will smile to you and offer to lend a hand if you need it. Thank God for the USA. We live in the greatest land on earth.

That being said, there is so much I will miss . Of course, first and foremost, my daughter Gracie, she is wonderful beyond my imagination, my new friends and interpreters Karina and Lesa, they were so nice to me and really gave me a feeling of comfort with their presence and help and they proved to be good photographers and the water pressure of my shower (it was amazing).

I'm so mindful of the blessings I have here at home. Understanding the words when someone speaks to you, the greeting from those whom you haven't seen in awhile, the comfort of soft toilet paper and a seat to sit on (can't be overstated), left wheeled cars and traffic that is not bumper to bumper, cool fresh air, ICE especially when it is surrounded by good fresh tea, all the TV and internet you could ask for and last but not least the love of family and friends.

I learned a lot about myself going over there. There is now nothing I wouldn't do for a little girl who is not in my hands but in my heart. I need to work on being content where I am, seeing the blessings of simple life or of the growth that comes with adversity. Recognizing potential, not just the obvious potential of that amazing little girl (and not to minimize that) but the potential that lies in me. I won't ever claim to be a seasoned traveller, but I survived (something I wasn't always sure I would do) and I'm still chewing on the concept of bravery. People say I am brave for doing this, but to be honest, have felt not even one moment of bravery through all of this. I have to say that I am scared, excited, tired, weary and determined. Making a difference to myself means making a difference to someone else at the same time. I like to think it's always been that way.

Not sure what my life will look like with that busy little girl in it full time, but it's time to start preparing for it. One thing is for sure, I need to start baby proofing my house. Now! She's got a touch of mischief in her and I need to be ready for it. But first, I think I'll take a nap. I have a little catching up to do.

Thank you all for thinking about me, sending me your positive thoughts and prayers and support. I can't wait for you to meet her! She's amazing. One of God's finer creations.

This is one of the pictures taken on day 4 of 5. It is one of my favorites. I love the sparkle in her eyes, the happiness on her face and the enthusiasm in her demeanor. She blossomed in the time I was there. Can't wait to see her continued growth and new personality.