Well, Monday was a bittersweet day as I guessed it would be. Gracie celebrated one more birthday without her mama's arms around her. I don't know if anyone told her happy birthday or not. I did even though she didn't hear me.

In addition to not being there, Monday became even more bitter to me because I was informed by my agency that the judge who will hear my case is now on vacation. AGAIN! If you remember, her last vacation was a month long vacay in December. Now, in April, she apparently needs another month long getaway. Somehow I think I'm in the wrong business if vacations come around that often for them.

As you can imagine, I spent much of Monday in tears. My papers have been removed from the judges desk in order to keep them from ending up on the "bad" judges desk, and they'll be presented to her again once she's back around the first of May. They said that they can work around my son's wedding and will make sure I'm able to be here for it. Of course, many of my documents will be expired before that date comes, so once again, I'm in the paper chase. Or will be as soon as they tell me they want them.

On a much better note, I got an update. I was told to compile a list of questions for the Russian staff and they would send answers and maybe a picture or two. Well, I got both today! God is good to give me encouragement in this stage of the game. I sure needed it. I didn't get an answer to all of my questions, but at least got some info on her.

She is well and has been healthy since I left her. Thank You God!

She is still in the baby house she was in and will remain there until she is adopted. Again, THANK YOU GOD!!!!!

I asked if it would be possible to try to shoot for court around the 3rd week of May so I could fly home for the wedding which is on the 28th and then fly back to bring Gracie home. They said that there is no way to tell when court might be because the judge may require other papers to be furnished.

Now, for the good part. I really didn't expect to be so very emotional at the sight of these pictures. All at once, I was so very moved by so many emotions. All boiling down to how much I love this little girl and how much I miss her. So, here we go.....

Her infant picture that I only got a glimpse of earlier. Look how cute she was!

Getting ready to go outside....or coming in from outside. Not sure which. Maybe coming in since her cheeks are so pink. Healthy pink. :O)

She looks a bit mischievous here. Don't you think? I love it!

Good thing her mama got a coat that will fit her!

She's so cute!

Post snack I think.

I remember this face! The orphanage workers used to tell her to put her tongue in. They said it in Russian of course, so I could never repeat it, but it was so cute that she thought it was funny to pull her tongue in and would say "UP" as she pulled her tongue in.

Her hair is growing so long.

And my favorite picture! Food face and all!

This mamas heart is both light and heavy. Have I ever mentioned that I love this girl?

I want her home!

Happy Birthday sweet little one

6 Months Ago

I left my home to meet my daughter. It was the scariest thing I have ever done and as I sat alone in the Moscow airport, I thanked God that I didn't know how scared I would be when I started this journey. If I had known, I may not have gotten this far. Exhausted and alone, I was nothing more than a scared child in a very large, strange world. Kind of reminds me of a certain little girl I got to know.

God knew I needed you though. I'm so glad He did.

She was exactly 4 1/2 that day and today my baby girl turns 5. Something I didn't think she would have to do without me. I spend time wondering if she is still so small. If she's had her lessons each day, if she's been playing outside like she surely would be if she was here at home, if we're ever going to get that stubborn nose dried up or are we going to have to carry her blotto with us forever. I don't care, I'll gladly do it.

I have birthday presents for you. I wonder if you will like clothes or toys or both. I can hardly wait to find out. We'll have a party for you and I'll spend my time making up for every hug, every happy birthday utterance and every kiss you've missed out on over these last 5 years.

And, if I can make any promise to you Gracie, it will be that you never have to see another birthday go by without a celebration of YOU and of the gift that you are to me.

I love you little girl!

A quick praise

Thank You God

The family that had to go before the judge who refused Kirill his right to a loving family was successful in court on Friday, April 1. There is one less orphan in the world and this little girl has opened the doors for several other children in hopes of adoption in that region of Russia.

Please continue to pray for Kirill and his family. The judge can reverse her original decision before the papers go to the supreme court of Russia. How nice it would be for these children to both come home this month.

What if......Lord help me see

The last couple of weeks have been ones of trial for so many. Weeks of waiting, weeks of fear, weeks of pain and probably hardest of all, weeks of doubt.



From the child denied a family.

To an 11 pound 3 year old slowly being deprived of her life.....

Lately I've been struggling with the whys and the what ifs. Why are things harder, longer, darker, worse than I thought they would be? Why do some journeys seem so simple and easy and others so hard? What if children were valued and not thrown away? What if this journey was easier? Would I understand God's blessings then? Would I recognize a blessing through the sting of tears? My fear is that I wouldn't. My prayer is that I do.

God help me see your blessings in situations like these. Help me to learn from the disappointments, from the hardships and the fears. Help me to find peace and comfort in turmoil. Help me discern your mercies in disguise. Listen......

PS...The child's family is appealing the judges ruling. Please pray that it will be overturned. And the little girl in the second picture is receiving treatment now in a U.S. hospital. Please pray that it's not too late for her. Thank you God for the family that rescued her.

fun at the Wal-Mart

I had a little fun the other day at Wal-Mart. These are what I came up with. How I long for more pictures of her to share. Nevermind, I just long for her!

What do you think?

I think I need to find more options, but it's a start. :)

I think Gracie won her over!

Well, I have a little story to tell you.

Last week I took over the care of a cute little 90 year old guy who lives by himself and has two caregivers that tend to him every day through the week. One of the caregivers is a VERY gruff and sometimes grumpy lady who is almost as old as my patient is. She's prone to yelling and now is known for her biting and sarcastic remarks as she hangs up on you. That was my introduction to "Joanne". She wanted my cell number. I'll give her some credit and say that it was for the benefit of her charge, but do you think I would give her that number? Absolutely not!! Why would I ever do that? I have reiterated multiple times that it's simply against company policy to give our cell numbers to patients for the primary reason that it's not a 24 hour number and we have a 24 hour call system for any calls they needed to make.

As I met my new patient and his caregivers, I revealed a little bit about myself. I told them about my big kids and also told them about this amazing, exciting, painful process known as Gracie's adoption. I didn't elaborate much, but I did let them know that one goal I have is to achieve stability with him before I leave for my adoption. Of course, not knowing when that will happen, I'm trying to rush to that point of stability. :)

I could see Joanne's demeanor soften as I continued to talk. Her gruffness eased and she actually had a faint smile on her face. She later told me in private that she had herself been adopted and she was moved and blessed when she heard of my adoption. In her lifetime, she has rarely opened up about this to anyone.

Today we talked again about the adoption. We talked about the pain she felt when kids would tease her about being adopted. She had a good upbringing and was well loved by her adoptive family which includes her now 62 year old sister who has Down syndrome. :) I immediately whipped out my favorite picture (conveniently located as my wallpaper on my laptop) of Gracie. She grinned ear to ear. She's so excited to meet Gracie when she comes home. Even my patient shared in the moment and told of two little girls that he and his wife had adopted and how wonderful it was to be their father.

Gracie's done it again. In fact, I'll go out on a limb and say that she'll do it again and again. She's stolen someone's heart without even so much as a hug or a kiss. How blessed am I that I've gotten those hugs and several kisses to go with them. I can't wait for more!

LOVE THIS GIRL!!!!

One more step done!

Maybe the last one!

Well at least I thought it was. Or hope it is.

I got my homestudy update in the mail this morning and promptly mailed it off to Lincoln for apostille along with the required envelope for them to mail it to my agency in Minnesota. That's the good part!

You see, it seemed like there was nothing else that should be needed......

UNTIL......

I looked at the wording of the homestudy update.

It says, and I quote "Deana is recommended and approved to adopt a female child with Down syndrome between the ages of 36 months and 60 months" What's the big deal you ask. On April 4, 2011, Gracie turns 5 years old! 60 months! Any other time I would welcome that wonderful milestone especially when she's still in the baby house that is so good to her and not in an institution. Not this time though. Her turning 60 months old means that my homestudy has to be ammended again and most likely, so will my USCIS approval which frankly I am dreading because they usually take months to get anything done. All I can do is pray that this is all said and done by then. And that is what I'm asking you all to do with me.

When I got the first draft of my homestudy done, I never expected that it would take so long. Never expected to spend month after month waiting for word, watching international event after event happen, plane fares go up and then down and then start to go up again, and NEVER expected that my (then 3 year old) little girl would still be there at age 5.

Ladies and gentlemen, we need to celebrate that little girl's birthday at her own home.

IN NEBRASKA!

Thank you so much for any prayers you would say for Gracie and I. I appreciate it more than you know!