Today I learned why

Today was a day that started out a lot like any other day.

As the day went on though, I began to see that today was a day God used to teach me to submit to His will. For so many reasons, I've been struggling lately. A BIG part of that struggle has been the wait. The long, drawn-out, frustrating, emotionally exhausting wait. Even though I had this voice in my head saying "You're not so important that this is going to happen in your own time" and the phrase that I've heard so many times "In God's perfect timing", I've found that it's a lot easier to hear those thoughts than it is to really surrender to them.
It's occurred to me that as time goes by the prices of plane tickets has gone down drastically (I mean who really wants to go to Siberia in the middle of winter), I've gotten a grant to help with my costs and I might even have the time to file my 2010 taxes before I go (which would help tremendously). The biggest and best provision God gave to me was revealed today though. I made a call to my adoption agency today to ask if there were any new developments. I already knew that if anything had been requested, I would have heard already, but had to call anyway. In talking to Silvia (she works as the liaison between the US and Russia to put her job simply), she told me that my dossier papers had been held back because the "good judge" was off of work for the month of December and there was no way they wanted my papers to go before the "bad judge" What a HUGE thing! It would be devastating if my case went before a judge that has bad feelings for Americans or adoptions of special needs children.
It's so hard for me to acknowledge that even after all that I've been through in this adoption process, the judge could still say no. Lately, I've been very compelled to ask God that the judge will find favor with me. So I guess that today I'm thanking God for His part in this adoption. He is in control and simply stated, He wants Gracie to be adopted. I've known that and I've seen that several times since starting this process.
So, while yes I want this to happen quickly and every day she is in an orphanage is a day without the love of a family, now I have to acknowledge that I need to stop asking for my will and start trusting in His will. To quote some unknown person wiser than myself,

"God is never late, and He's seldom early. He's always right on time."

And

"Give me patience God but please hurry!"

Please if your inclined, leave me a comment! I thrive on them and it's so nice to know I'm sharing this adventure with you.

Thanks much!

Deana

She's how old????

Gracie is 1727 days old today! :). That's 56 months, or 246 weeks or 41,470 hours old (at the time of this writing) except I don't really know what time she was born. She was born on a Tuesday (or Monday over here).
We will celebrate her birthday for the FIRST time in 98 days! What a party that will be!!!! Our birthdays are exactly 100 days apart on a calendar.

I'd like to think I will see her again before she's oh say .... 1750 days old and I'm (never gonna repeat that number)old! :P

A glimpse of the divine

Merry Christmas little one!

How I long to teach you about Jesus. He was a boy who was born into this world as an outcast. Born into a poor family and despised by those with earthly power. Thought of as insignificant and yet evoked fear from the many who didn't understand Him.

For all of time since He came, those who come to know Him gain an understanding of the love that could only come from the One True God, the Creator of us all, the Father of life.

I think we're all supposed to pass on to others a glimpse of the divine through our own spirit that is tempered with God's love and grace. Very few people are better able to do that than a lowly orphan who is so eager to share joy with others.

You don't even know it yet but you are already doing that. Being used by God to better my life and the lives of those who love you and those who will come to love you with time. Given the chance, you will dispell the myth that is fear from those who don't understand you and the gifts you have. Of that I'm certain.

He was never born "just a boy" as you were born "just a girl", but you will also be used by God to bring joy and love to the lives of people who need it.

I can't wait to teach you about Him. It's His birthday tomorrow. He gave you and I a gift on His own birthday. He came here for all of us and He is still here now, allowing us to see a glimpse of the divine through the blessings and love of those around us.

I can't wait to tell you all about Him!

I love you immensely,

Mama

I've started to feel that same ugly feeling of doubt again. Is it ever going to happen? Will the judge find favor in me? Am I just going to freeze to death in Siberia?

I was told that I shouldn't expect to hear anything until after January 10th. It seems the Russians like to enjoy their holidays for a long time. Actually, I'm not sure how many holidays they pack into that timeframe, but it's too many as far as I'm concerned. My girl is waiting for her mama. She has no idea if I'm coming back. I wonder if the workers remind her of me and tell her that I'm coming back for her.

Christmas is a season of hope. I've believed that all my life so I guess that's just what I'll continue to do. Hold onto faith and hope in a promise that I've been given. I'll be going over to get my girl the minute the say I can and if you all would be kind enough to say a prayer for me that the judge would find favor in me. that he or she would realize that Gracie will be an incredibly loved and happy girl for the rest of her life. She didn't ask to be born with an extra chromosome, didn't ask to be left at the hospital or live the better part of her first 5 years in an orphanage, but I think if she could ask for anything, it would be to come home with her new mommy.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Reflecting on the people and things I have to be thankful for today. My mind keeps going back to Gracie's smiling face.

Back to her mischevious little giggle.

And her non-stop quest for the perfect sounding toy.

And as I answered someone's questions the other day about how I can want to get into child rearing again since I could be done. I calmly explained that I could live with nothing or noone every day.

Or I can come home to this every day.....

And this.....

Need I say more? I don't think so.

Gracie 047.avi

Here is another one. Love how she likes to learn. This is the first day of my visits. She makes me giggle when she's trying to make the cat meow. So fun!

Gracie day 5 029

I hope this works. This is a favorite one of mine. Check out her tongue! Love it. It's just so long! UGH, I miss this girl! This was the last day of my visit and she had been upset that she was going to miss her lessons so the sneaky little thing that she is, she got right past me and ran into the classroom. :)