Nyet that's MY mama!

Well today started out on a slightly sad note. Genrick went to get Gracie from her common room and when they were coming back, I heard a boom and a very sad cry. Gracie bumped her head as she was coming down the hall. Genrick being the guy that he is was holding her facing away from him. I went to them and held out my hands and she lept into my arms. I was still sad about her ouchy but my heart soared that she wanted ME!

We went to the special room and again played and played. She wasn't as busy as yesterday, but definitely had me running. The door was closed today so it was a little extra stuffy in there.

I brought some large drawing sheets and some colors for her and she really did like to color. But pretty soon, she had way too much energy to sit there any longer and to the ball pit we went. After awhile, Karina (my wonderful interpreter) recognized that typical "I gotta go potty" dance which must be universal. She asked Gracie if she had to go potty and she said yes. So Gracie grabbed my hand and off we went. Upstairs two flights and down the hall we entered a room that had 12 or so children in it that were all about Gracie's age. Gracie knew just what to do. She grabbed her pot and promptly sat down on it and did her business. While she was doing that, the kids in the room noticed us and all started gathering around me saying "mama". Gracie came out of that bathroom jumped into my arms and said NYET that's MY MAMA! I heard the nyet and could hear her tone which was very stern. Karina told me while she was giggling what Gracie was saying. I'M HER MAMA! It makes me cry even as I'm typing it.

We tried on some different clothes which Gracie thought was so fun. She had the cutest t-shirt and underpants on which looked brand new. I could see her scar on her chest and you can feel that her breast bone has been disrupted and put back together, but she is very ticklish and wouldn't let me get too long of a look. The 3T outfit is too big as I suspected. The 2T t-onsie that I brought is also slightly too big. The 18 month t-shirt fit her very nicely. She's a peanut. My camera battery died about that time so I wasn't able to get any pictures of her in the other outfits.

Then I tried to trace her foot. WAY too ticklish for that! But she tried to do it herself after that. She really liked the colors until I took them away because she tried to eat them. :)

When it was time to go, I walked her up to the common room again. She really didn't want to go back and tried to stay in a sitting room just outside. I gave her hugs and kisses and whispered in her ear how many people she has that love her. Mama most of all. She was so full of hugs today and gave me lots of love. I don't know how I can just leave her in 3 more days. It's going to be too hard. Makes me cry some more.

On a very sad note, Karina said the workers told her of a girl Alice I think who is also listed on Reeces Rainbow. She is a couple of months younger than Gracie I think. Alice was considered to be unteachable so she was transferred to the institution recently. Makes my heart sad because she is one that I was drawn to. Her picture looked so sweet and gentle. I find it so hard to ignore all the others whom I can't help and can do nothing about. Why does it have to be that way?

Paka,

Deana

Day 2

We had a good time with the tunnel today.

She liked the hoops. It was obvious that she has done something specific with them before, but I didn't understand what.

This picture is a favorite of mine even though its a little dark.

Playing with the toys.

A hug for mama. She went for her dolly first thing. She likes it Syd.

Today we played and we played hard. If there were 100 toys in that room then we played with 99 of them. She didn't think much of the cute dress they put her in for my benefit since she couldn't climb and play like she likes. One time, I looked at her as she was gathering her dress bottom up to around her waist just to get it out of her way.

I am so moved when I reflect on her and how wonderfully made she is. The people here keep referring to her as being sick because she has Down syndrome and I just want to say, she's not sick. She is just the way she is supposed to be! The way God made her! My daughter. :)

Welcome to Siberia

And it's been a good welcome.

It's late and I am still in a deficit when it comes to sleep, so I'll make this as short as I can. There is so much to say though. I just have to say that when God blesses, he does it abundantly. She is so beautiful. The joy that she puts forth could brighten anyone's mood. It sure did mine.

The referral was granted today by a woman who asked some very stern questions and slowly softened before me. She asked why I wanted a defective child and how I would take care of her. What kind of family support did I have and would she have adequate therapy and training when she is in school. Then she said that what they (Russia) wanted to do most is find her a family that would love and take care of her, and it looked like they had found one. She gave me tips on papers to bring with me to go before the judge and granted the referral.

And now for the good part......This is the home she has lived in her whole life. She was born on April 4, 2006 to two parents who were very young. She was left at the hospital and has not had a visitor for a very long time. I was told that her grandmother would visit her occasionally but even that has not happened for a long time. She had heart surgery at age 1 and has been cleared of any cardiac problems recently as a follow-up by her cardiologist.

She really liked the baby doll that her big sister picked out for her. When the orphanage director told her to give it a kiss, she did for the camera. She was said to be a leader and "not too bossy". Said she is friendly to everyone and obeys. She likes to follow directions.

She took the blanket that my mom made for her and folded it up to wrap up the baby doll.

She also liked using the magna-doodle that I brought for her. We're gonna have so much fun coloring!

Isn't it so nice to see a smile on that pretty face!

Bed is calling me now. I'm sure I'll post more tomorrow.

PAKA

Deana

Eleven months, three weeks and one day

What is that you ask....

It's the amount of time it has taken for me to meet my girl. Almost a year ago, I committed to a little girl who stole my heart. She drew me in and touched my soul. God led me to her and I've been on a mission ever since. Oh yes, I've had times that I thought "This is JUST TOO HARD" "I can't do this" and then there is the ever so gentle nudge that God gives me saying "THIS BEAUTIFUL GIRL NEEDS YOU....YOU NEED THIS BEAUTIFUL GIRL"

What a journey we've been on. I'm sure that I've taxed most everyone I know talking non-stop about this little girl, adoption, international adoption, Down syndrome and all of it combined. I've said it before that this is the longest hardest pregnancy I've ever had. And true to most pregnancies, I've not done it alone.

Thank you all: Amy, Mom and Dad, Tyler, Sydney, Aunt Bev, Cheryl, friends and family...all of you in no particular order. You've all been so great to support this dream and this little girl. I think we all need this little girl in our lives. She's coming. She'll be here one day soon.

So exactly one year after I committed to her, I will sleep off my jet lag, catch up on my mail, talk incessantly on the phone and prepare more documents for the second trip of this adoption. The frosting on the cake as it were....The finalization of Gracie's adoption. She'll be Grace MacKenzie Clifton. My daughter in every sense of the word.

Travelling FINALLY

Just a quick note to let everyone know I'm travelling to meet Gracie. Finally! October 6th through October 12th. Please pray for safe travel and the finances to complete the trip without problems.


Thank you!
Deana

Fall is almost here

Well it's almost here.

Fall... offering respite from the sting of summer heat. A new school year and a new schedule which always helped me snap into a routine that was so welcome after so many hectic days without structure. As a kid, I always loved the summer, it was the time of my birthday, endless days at the pool and a never ending tan (or so I thought).

As summer sets and fall dawns, I'm full of hope. I am hopeful that my papers are at this time in the hands of the Russian authorities who will approve them and send long awaited information on my daughter and call for me in the near future. I'm told it should be soon. Later this week or next week, I really don't know, but as always, I will try (and sometimes fail) as I wait patiently for my chance to meet my daughter. I can't wait to love on her, place my hands on her as I pray for her and marvel at the miracle that she is. I can't wait to hold her in my arms. I can't wait to see the smile on her face on day 2 when she knows I'm there to see her and only her.

I'm coming Gracie. Coming this fall.

I'll keep you all posted.

Deana

I met an Olympian today!

I met an Olympian today!

This morning when I woke up, I tried to bargain with God just a little bit. Not really ready to get out of bed, I asked for a little more time and then promised that I would get up and go to church as I knew I should.

Because I made my way to church, God gifted me with an awesome morning. The worship part of church was wonderful and had me in tears. The sermon was great and really taught me about of all things obedience and seeking to know the word of God.

But it was after church when Sydney and I really got our gift. We decided to go for Chinese food which is one of our favorites. Lunch out after church has become sort of a regular occurrence and as indecisive as we both are, I was a little surprised when Chinese came to my mind and Sydney instantly agreed that sounded good. When we sat, the restaurant was relatively full with the usual after church crowd. We waited for a table and sat next to a family with two elderly parents and an adult daughter. Nothing ordinary until mom and daughter got up and went to the buffet line. It was then that I noticed the daughter was a beautiful woman with Down syndrome. Her mom gently ushered her back to the table explaining that they only wanted to take small portions because larger portions would not be good when they got to it. The woman agreed with her mom and sat at the table to eat her meal making polite conversation while she ate. I was fortunate enough to be able to visit with that young lady's mom a little later and I found out that her daughter is named Kandi, she had heart surgery when she was little and now she is 41. She is gifted with purity, humility and love. Love for herself and love from her family.

She was inducted into the Special Olympics hall of fame and really enjoyed her experience at the games. She had 3 roommates and came away with many new friends. When I told her mother that I was adopting a little girl with Down syndrome, she told me that I would be forever blessed and would never regret my decision.

This past few weeks have been wrought with anxiety and fear for me. The cost and reality of the adoption was too real for me and I found myself afraid and unwilling to go back and so apprehensive about going forward. I've been worried about bringing a toddler into my life again (it's been a long time) and my own lack of discipline and how am I ever going to fit a child into my schedule that sometimes goes so fast I can't even manage it for myself.

I've been so blessed by people who are there for me and offer such support. I have prayers coming from all over the world.

Today, my answer came from God via a simple mom who loves her daughter. "You'll never regret it"

Somehow, I know that. Now more than ever.